CLICK!

CLICK!

by Sal Moriarty

We made it, and it ate us. Glenn Frey, talking about the Eagles

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Arthur C. Clarke

When I fire up my laptop (yes, they still exist), I am met by an array of seemingly random news stories, entertainment articles and, of course, advertisements on the homepage. Unfortunately, none of the lunacy being presented, desirous of my consumption, is random. Algorithms are at work, based on intimate knowledge about me, trying to attract my attention, and induce my fingers to go “click”.

It's a bit confusing for a humble country boy, because I don't surf the web (is it still called that?). I do four things computer related (phone included). I search for synonyms and definitions, I submit these modest writing pieces, I watch videos on YouTube, and I watch the Longhorns play football.

I do not have a Facebook page, never “been on” TikTok (had to look up the spelling) or Instagram and have never seen anything produced by the Kevorkians. Or is it the Kardashians? Same difference, I guess.

Nevertheless, when I powered up today, the first thing I saw was an ad for “a genius nose hair trimmer”. Evidently, it is “flying off the shelves!” Of course, I was immediately compelled to head for the bathroom mirror. I don't think I have a nose hair problem, but it's on my radar now; just another blasted thing to worry about.

Next to the ad was a link to something called PsychLove. It showed a woman with her hands clasped as if in prayer, with the headline, “15 Subtle Signs Someone Is Using Religion As A Crutch”. I have a great many flaws but being dependent on religion ain't one of them. Yet, to state the obvious, it wasn't there by accident.

A little further down was a picture of a gray-haired man. He looked vaguely familiar. The headline read, “Brett Favre Offers Bleak Analysis Of The 2024 Presidential Race”. Brett Favre? The old football player? I thought he was an idiot when he played, and now he's analyzing politics? And something, somewhere, thought I'd be interested? Blimey!

Clearly through the looking glass now, I was initially relieved when I saw something that appealed to me. There was an article about the recent death of Phil Lesh, bass player for The Grateful Dead. Let me clarify, I don't like the fact Phil passed away, but I am a Dead fan (not a Deadhead, just a fan) and it was a topic of interest to me.

Then my thoughts turned dark. I already knew Phil died; I saw it on YouTube some time back, the day it happened. So, someone or, again, something communicated my YouTube activity to the homepage on my laptop. Then I noticed multiple articles presented about the Grateful Dead. A chill went down my spine. They were in my head!

This prompted me to do something I never do; conduct a search not related to word definitions or synonyms. Me, the proud owner of dictionaries (made of actual paper) and CDs and DVDs, was falling in line with the modern order. I realized it as I was typing, but I had to find out who owns YouTube.

And it's those devils at Google.

It was not yet five o'clock (but it was somewhere, as the philosopher once pointed out), so I poured a stiff drink. My laptop screen was the proverbial car crash. I knew it was horrible but couldn't look away.

There, I encountered an article from something called Nerdstalgic. A painting of the devil or a demon. Horrific, like they painted them in the Middle Ages. The article was titled “Popular Beliefs About Hell That Aren't Actually In The Bible”. Directed at me? Why?

Then the nose hair thing again. Another trip to the bathroom mirror.

Farther down, something about an upcoming Mike Tyson fight. He's still alive? I scrolled up. “Are Ghosts Real?” Well, of course not! To the right, a picture of J.Lo in a bikini. Ok, caught my breath, settled down a little, but then more chaos. A horse died at the Breeder's Cup. Someone named Chappell Roan did something controversial on Saturday Night Live. That show's still a thing?

James Ledbetter died. Well, rest in peace, but who on earth is (was) James Ledbetter? I was in an insanity spiral.

Then, proving the universe can sometimes be unexpectedly kind, my eyes landed on “South Carolina Crushes The Aggies”. Breathed in and out slowly. The world was returning to its natural order.

Perhaps, I am misinterpreting the Arthur C. Clarke quote at the top of the page, but I don't think so. I believe we are now under the command of technologies that are indistinguishable from magic. What average American would have thought, not that long ago, each of us would be carrying a magic box, containing the entirety of the world's knowledge. And the world's lies. And the world's prejudices. And the world's garbage. And the world's spies.

Taken advantage of by brilliantly malevolent human beings, it is in the process of making us frivolous, silly people. It is also achieving what the Nazis, the Empire of Japan and Al-Qaeda could not achieve. It is making Americans hate one another more than our avowed enemies hate us.

We have created technology smarter than us, that understands our weaknesses. It is not emotional. It is not intellectually lazy. It does not comprehend mercy, and it will not be defeated.